I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
