Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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