lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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