Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
