After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
