The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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