You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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