Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
