Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
