i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
