do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
