Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
