I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
