I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
