matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
