is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
