Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So squirting runs in the family.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
