playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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