K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
