her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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