morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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