Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
