He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
