Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
