your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
