I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
