Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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