the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
