Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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