yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we made out on top of his cat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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