i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
