it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
