Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
