There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
