he puts the penis in happiness.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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