what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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