fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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