So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
