just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
