I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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