pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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