You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
