Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
