I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
