A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
