R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
