I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
