K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
