and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
