Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
