that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
