Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
