I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
