Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm at about main and main street
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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