Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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