my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
