Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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