i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
