so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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