I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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