theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
