It's like God shit irony all over that family
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
as a side note pls kill me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
