i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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