White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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