I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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