I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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