Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
