we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
