Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
