Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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