The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
