Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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