i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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