I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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