What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
