I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
