you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
